Be Curious, Not Judgmental
If you've seen the Apple TV show Ted Lasso, you know the moment I'm referencing. The character Ted Lasso is playing darts against the bad guy of the show and he's really behind and has one last turn to win. Here's the speech,
“Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why – it used to really bother me. But then one day I was driving my little boy to school and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall and it said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that. (Throws triple 20). So I get back in my car and I’m driving to work and all of the sudden it hits me – all them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything figured out so they judged everything and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me – who I was had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious they would have asked questions. Questions like, ‘Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?’ (Throws triple 20). To which I would have answered, “Yes sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father from aged 10 until I was 16 when he passed away. Barbecue sauce. (Throws triple bullseye to win).”
Its such a satisfying moment when he wins and one of the top lines from the show. Its an example of how art can imbed a message and subvert your thinking that preaching at you never could. That message of being curious not judgmental sticks with me to this day and helps me as a Christian and as a human more than many Bible verses. Sure I've read, "Judge not, unless you want to be judged" but being curious vs judgmental is such a better way to phrase it. The depth of emotion in that scene amplifies because that twist at the end of how his Dad passed away when he was 16 is almost like a throw away comment. Its a casual add on but also a devastating detail. It hits me partly because I too lost my Dad at sixteen. Such is life.
I want my readers to have this heart attitude as they read as they read into my life and this blog and just see things from another perspective. Just be curious not judgmental about how stupid my life is. Its funny because I can be one of the most judgmental people in the world and everyone who knows me knows that. I mean I'm pretty good at roasting people.
But that left wing trans identifying democrat? be curious. the MAGA racist? be curious. I just want to understand before I throw darts. The cancer I have, so often people think I look normal because I do but really I have cancer spreading in three different areas in my chest and there's little I can do to stop it. But no one would know that. When I was first diagnosed, I got a handicap placard while on chemo. I was in pain and short of breath walking even short distances. My wife and I went to AAA to notarize our trust because it looked like I was going to kick the bucket. In fact, at that time it was certain. A certain white man in a white F150 decided to ask us why we were parking in a disabled spot if you are not disabled. I was ready to go ape shit on this dude. All that pent up frustration and the subtle racism etc I was ready to unleash. But he did not understand our situation. Later, upon reflection, it seared into my mind how you can't really know the battles people are facing no matter how it looks on the surface. My cancer, this douche bag at AAA gave me great compassion toward others. Because I was on chemo post surgery and my lungs were in bad shape but all he saw was a privilged couple taking a spot from someone else. I'm sure I've done that to others. But you know what? Be curious not judgmental.
I want my attitude toward God and toward others to remain curious. I used to think I understood everything and everyone and was so judgmental. I was raised on the Bible being an instruction book. I bought into that...all of it. I was wrong. Dead wrong. I'll share how we should think of the Bible in another post but suffice it to say it is not an instruction manual. I don't even pretend to understand anymore but I think there is a better way to use it as a lens to understand the world and to understand God and our present reality.
One of my pastors shared a couple weeks ago that "certainty breeds stupidity." I see now that there is so much mystery and uncertainty in faith, in God and why things happen the way they do. People that tell you they know. They are lying. They do not. That does not mean I don't walk even closer to my loved ones and even closer to God. I think I see God in His goodness more now than ever as the veil between life and eternity grows thinner. I am more at peace and have greater certainty in being a child of God even though I am less certain of almost everything else.
But I ask for your forgiveness and for being so young and so arrogant and so judgmental for so long and even now. God help me change. BBQ Sauce.
